why $100K days don’t make me happy anymore

one of the strangest feelings i’ve wrestled with is how chasing big goals can leave you numb. 

it’s like the more you achieve, the less you feel. 

like there’s a tapering effect. 

at the same time, i catch myself reminiscing about smaller moments from the past that felt so much bigger, so much more alive.

let me give you an example.

 these days, it’s pretty normal for one of my businesses to pull in over $100,000 in revenue per day. good profit, too. 

but that’s expected, there’s no cheering. you wouldn’t high five the bus driver for being on time would you? 

but the days i catch myself thinking about? 

the days when i was making just a couple hundred bucks in profit. back then, that felt huge. 

i could afford to take my date out for dinner and drinks without stressing about money. and let me tell you, that shit hit different.

i remember the first time i made $1,000 in profit in a single day. i was living in a tiny studio apartment in montreal in the dead of winter,

dark by 4:47pm and -20°C outside. in those conditions, i understood what Nietzche meant when he said “god is dead”.

anyways, 

when that $1,000 hit, i was an animal. 

i called up this girl i was seeing at the time, 

a gorgeous blonde who was a graphic designer by day and a table dancer by night. 

i called her to go out. 

that night, we went bar hopping and tried specialty cocktails i couldn’t have dreamed of affording just a few months earlier. 

the booze, piercing cold and the darkness only penetrated by the dim street lights had me in a fever dream. 

the night ended back at my place, i didn’t really have a table, but she danced on something else.

i felt like i’d finally made something of myself. 

i was building something real, and i felt it in my bones.

the numbness of bigger wins

fast forward to today, and those feelings are harder to come by. the joy of those early wins? it’s been replaced by something else—something quieter. like i mentioned earlier, these days, hitting milestones like $100k in revenue doesn’t hit the same, it’s just another day at the office.

it’s like any drug: the more you use it, the more you need to feel the same high. and eventually, you need a massive dose just to feel normal.

that’s the trap of being goal-oriented.

at 31 years old, i’ve built businesses, hit numbers i couldn’t have imagined a decade ago, and checked off every box i thought would make me happy. 

but here’s the thing: that’s fucking bullshit.

the simplicity of being present

this realization hit me hard recently while spending time with my parents back in my hometown in british columbia. 

we’re here for new year’s, and it’s been a chance to reflect on how i’ve spent the holiday in years past.

last year, i was in dubai with my brother, ballin’ out. 

the year before that, i was at a cigar lounge with my brother and five good friends. and the year before that? 

sitting in a mcdonald’s parking lot with a friend, ringing in the new year from my car.

i realized that i hadn’t really celebrated the new years with my parents in a long time, and i only wanted to do that. 

i didn’t feel the need to make it grand. i could’ve taken my parents anywhere, new york, saint moritz, or even richard branson’s necker island. 

but honestly? all i wanted was to be back home with them. no extravagant trips, no flashy celebrations. 

just time together. because at the end of the day, that’s what matters.

funny thing is, i used to feel this pressure to do something big to prove myself,like i needed to make it clear i’d “made it.” that pressure is long gone.

if i decide to take my parents on some incredible destination trip in the future, it won’t be because i’m trying to prove anything. it’ll be because i choose to.

learning to just live

here’s the truth i’m coming to terms with: the goals that used to drive me don’t mean as much anymore. 

the joy they bring has faded, and the simplicity of small, meaningful moments is what i’m wanting now. 

i’m realizing that success isn’t just about hitting big numbers or crossing off bucket list items. 

it’s about creating a life that feels good, one that’s rooted in the things that actually matter.

to me, that means creating as many moments as possible with people close to you, and allowing yourself to be happy just existing. 

if you’re grinding toward your first big goals right now, cherish the journey. 

those early wins are special because they mean something deeper than just money or status. they’re proof that you’re moving forward, that your hard work is paying off, and that you’re becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be.

and if you’re already past that stage, like me, take a moment to step back. 

ask yourself: are you chasing these goals because they’ll make you happy, or because you don’t know how to stop running? it’s worth thinking about.

for me, i’m learning (slowly) that it’s okay to let go of the chase. to stop looking for the next big thing and just be present in the moment. 

it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. because at the end of the day, the moments that stick with you aren’t the ones where you hit a big goal. they’re the ones where you felt alive, surrounded by the people you care about most.

i hope you have a happy new year everyone,
-vessal