How I Beat Self-Sabotage (and You Can Too)

Let’s talk about self-sabotage. You know that feeling when you take one step forward, only to stumble two steps back? 

It’s not just some abstract concept, it’s something I bet you go through, even if you don’t always realize it. 

What is this horrible “disease”?

From what I have learned, it is the subconscious trying to pull you back whenever you are surpassing the limits of your “story”.

What is this “story”? It’s your framework for your life, where you have set walls and ceilings. You could even call it your comfort zone. 

When you step beyond your comfort zone, your mind often finds ways to drag you back, because if it doesn’t, that means you have to break out of those walls, and what’s beyond is unknown and potentially dangerous.

It’s a safety mechanism that kept our species alive before civilization.

But with modern comforts, it’s outdated software.

Luckily, you can actually use it to your advantage, if you learn to understand it (i’ll get to that below). However, it is an ongoing journey and I don’t believe you are ever fully finished with it.

In my own case, I used to unconsciously block myself from getting the things I truly wanted. 

I’d impose judgments, convince myself I didn’t deserve success, and reinforce this with actions (or inaction) that sabotaged my progress. 

I’d think, “I’m not worthy of this. I don’t belong here.” And then I’d go out of my way to prove that belief right.

That action kept me within my imaginary borders. I was “safe”. But I was fucking myself over.

Here’s one story:

How I Sabotaged Myself

It was June 2022, and my business had just experienced a major breakthrough. 

I’d been following the advice of a mentor and had gone from $20,000 in monthly revenue to $43,000 in just one month. 

For the first time, things were starting to click. I’d finished May with $10,000 in profit, living in my small studio apartment in Montreal. 

I was finally making enough money not to stress about rent or ration out groceries. I wasn’t just surviving—I was thriving. 

But here’s the catch: I thought that reaching this level of success would solve everything. I figured all my anxieties and problems would magically disappear the moment I hit a certain number. 

I was naive. Because even though the financial stress had lessened, I’d wake up every day feeling miserable. I couldn’t get out of bed, I didn’t have the energy to answer customer emails, and I let customer service issues pile up. 

There was no logical reason for me to act this way, but then again, the root of self-sabotage isn’t logical.

It’s emotional.

What was really happening was that I’d surpassed a level I was comfortable with. 

I’d gone beyond being the scrappy hustler just trying to make ends meet, and now that I was comfortable, I didn’t know how to transition from hustling to survive to hustling to thrive. 

Instead, I sabotaged myself, and by the end of June, my revenue had dropped by more than 50%. 

I was right back where I’d started, undoing all the progress I’d made.

How I Turned It Around

The first step to fixing this was asking for help. 

This is where most people stumble. You feel embarrassed to admit a shortcoming, or you feel like you’d be a burden if you asked for help. 

But in reality, the opposite is true. 

The more I’ve reached out for support, the closer I’ve gotten to the people I leaned on. 

It’s ironic, but when you ask for help, you’re actually giving the other person a gift: the opportunity to feel useful and valued.

So, I leaned on my mentor again. 

I didn’t even know what exactly was wrong, but he did, because he’d been there before. 

He recognized the signs of self-sabotage from his own experience and offered to take me under his wing to ensure I didn’t keep tripping over my own feet the way he once had, and the way so many others do.

That was the beginning of a journey of self-awareness and healing. 

I started to identify my self-sabotage habits, understand my triggers, and trace the roots of these behaviors back to the stories I’d been telling myself for years. 

I learned to recognize how these patterns felt in my body, the thoughts that would come up, and what actions I’d unconsciously take to hold myself back. 

This journey has been ongoing for the past two years, and it’s made a massive difference. I stopped sabotaging the things I’d worked so hard to build. 

But I didn’t stop there. I believe so strongly in the power of self-understanding that I invested in personal development for my team. 

I set up regular meetings between my mentor and my COO and General Manager to help them overcome their own self-sabotaging behaviors, because when they grow, so does my business.

Breaking the Cycle

Here’s what I’ve learned: self-sabotage isn’t something you ever “cure” completely. 

It’s like a shadow that follows you around, and every time you hit a new level, it tries to pull you back. 

The trick is to notice it when it shows up, acknowledge it, and then step around it. (this takes years of practice to correctly implement). 

You have to keep rewriting your story to include the bigger things you’re striving for.

And it starts with asking for help. 

That’s the first step out of the trap, because when you’re caught up in your own head, everything feels ten times worse than it actually is.

But when you reach out, not only do you get a new perspective, you also strengthen the bonds with the people who support you.

Remember, the stories we tell ourselves are powerful. 

They shape what we think we deserve. 

So if you’re caught in a cycle of self-sabotage, it’s time to rewrite that story. You’re not just the hustler trying to get by. 

You’re the person who learns, grows, and thrives, even when your own mind tries to get in the way.

Until next time,  

Vessal